So yesterday I had a pretty bad hangover. Like a zombie hangover. I went for a “couple of drinks” with my co-worker on Friday. Of course this smart choice backslashed on the day, delivering me a nice cozy vomity unbalanced feeling.

If you don’t know what a zombie hangover is, hold on to your seat or whatever is nearby you at the moment, and hold also your horses. I’m about to tell you what zombie hangover is all about.

Zombie hangover is like the regular hangover (which gives you dizziness, urge to rush to the toilet before vomiting on that nice carpet, thumbing headache etc.), but it also has some extra features comparing to the regular hangover.

First you have a craving flesh. And not just any flesh, many times it’s bacon. Bacon, bacon, bacon. If you could just have few strips of that drizzling deliciousness, goddammit!

Secondly, because a zombie hangover is like a turbo-charged version of your familiar version of project ‘Take Over the Toilet’, weird sounds are also involved. Yes, you will make weird sounds. Mostly while lying on the couch/bed, and the ungod-like sound exit your mouth to your own surprise. At this point, many people in the same premises may now start to refer you as a zombie.

Thirdly, you notice that something must have happened to your brain. You feel really stupid. Like with zombies, when a mysterious virus takes over their brain, same thing has happened to you during last night. Although this time there is no mysterious viruses. The virus was booze in your case. The mystery might be what kind of alcohol took over your brain, but trust me, it’s the almighty booze.

The stupid feeling appears especially when you look at your wallet. You feel just stupid for having thrown cash on the table, just the reach this feeling on the next day. You look at your phone, and again, you feel stupid. You probably sent a text to your ex-significant other or friend, that shouldn’t probably have ever be sent to anybody. Not for your ex in particular. Now that ex is ex-ex-significant other or ex-friend. How stupid.

There are many other symptoms in zombie hangover, but these are the most important ones. If you experience these symptoms, please consume large amounts of bacon throughout the day and close all your mobile devices to prevent doing extra stupid things. Try to lay down silent and do not make contact with other people. My God, if you experience zombie hangover in the middle of the week and have to go to work, may God have mercy on your soul. Times then will be rough. Try to at least avoid your boss. And most importantly, have faith. Zombie hangover lasts usually only for one day. So it’s fast and ugly.

And that, my dear readers, is zombie hangover.